Episode 07 - A Journey So Far 01

Episode 01 of the "A Journey So Far" series.
In this episode we are joined by Eric! He took his last drink in  February 2019.
Show notes from the hosts:
Taylor and Eric talk about how in awe they are with the positive feedback
Over 400 downloads
People in 6 countries are now listening to the podcast
Eric and Taylor introduce the new segment: A journey so Far.
Our stories evolve over time sober
Taylor introduces the first guest: Eric Andrew, Last drink was February 10, 2019.
Happy Birthday Song introduces Eric
Eric thanks Taylor for the  introduction of him as the first guest
Eric starts with discussing how his story has evolved over the first four times he has told it.
Helping someone else by telling my story
Eric warns of some Trauma in his past
Father was in Navy and he moved around a lot
My Dad did not have a Father in his life and my Mom had her own emotional abuse that she experienced.
Moved around a lot, which allowed for me to "escape".
In early sobriety, we try to change things for the wrong reasons
2015 was a the moment that I realized it was time
Thought that a gun to the head was not a bad option
The story of the Phoenix rising-yeah ok?!
Somehow it all worked out.
Stop being afraid.
In recovery  we need to start doing
Recovery became everything
Introduced to Eckart Tolle-mindfulness and meditation helped settle me as I eased into Recovery
Got involved with on-line group
Forgave my parents
Recovery I found my voice and be of service
Taylor talks about Eric's story
What does, doing the work mean
The work is service and being there for others
Taylor asks about shift and rituals or tools are?
Volunteering
Becoming a coach and a podcast host
Changed my thinking in life
physical activity has become important
Where do you see yourself 4 years from now?
Healthy Relationship
Taylor discusses recovery and relationships
A Day at a Time
It's a bumpy ride, but I'll keep hanging on
Taylor plays Birthday song again
Thanks for listening
Resources and links
https://teachings.eckharttolle.com
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Eckhart-Tolle/
https://www.recoveryelevator.com/
Happy Birthday Song
Host's and Show Social Media
sobershameless@gmail.com
IG: @sobernshameless
Tiktok @sobernshameless
buymeacoffee.com
klingercrafted
ericandrew

Transcript

S&S EP 07

Host - Eric: [00:00:00] Sober and Shameless, episode seven.

Hey 

Host - Taylor: everybody. Welcome to the show. I'm Taylor Klinger. 

Host - Eric: And I'm Eric. 

Host - Taylor: Andrew. And this is Sober and Shameless shedding the Shame, the podcast that flips the script on what it means to live a sober life 

Host - Eric: in each episode of Sober and Shame. The host, along with the occasional guests, will pick a topic to shed their shame about, explore ideas on how to grow through those challenges and provide organic, lighthearted, honest, and unprofessional commentary about their experiences with addiction, strength through recovery and life and sobriety.

Woohoo. Hey, hey. Happy Friday. Yeah. 

Host - Taylor: Here we are again. Episode seven. Can you 

Host - Eric: believe it, Eric? Wow. Man. Seven. I'm starting to get mixed up and we're only even, we're, we're not even in double nu [00:01:00] digits yet. Can't even say that numbers, digits, digits, numbers. 

Host - Taylor: Well, hopefully, as long as we're being consistent, that's all that matters in terms of our accountability, which I really do think that, um, it's been such an amazing journey so far with the guests we've had on the show and people that have reached out to us and we're honestly not even sure if we were gonna make it past three listeners.

And here we are. Well over 400 downloads. Can you 

Host - Eric: believe that? Man? I know. That's amazing. That's amazing. And I, and I have to share something with you. I did have, uh, somebody I know come up to me who is not in addiction and just told me how much that she really loved the podcast. Wow. That's awesome. It was, it's so cool.

Really cool. And just how, again, another person said, that says to, to me, and I know you've had it too, but you know, just that connection that we have on, on, on air and that, um, you know, we're bringing up some really good topics and that they're really easy to follow and [00:02:00] understand from us and all of that.

So that's, thank you. Thank you for all of those. Um, getting that, that feedback is really helpful for. 

Host - Taylor: Yeah. And also some interesting statistics out there. We have actually had our podcast listened to in over six countries now. Wow. Isn't that crazy? 

Host - Eric: We're international, 

Host - Taylor: man. I know. I know. It's the power of the internet, I guess.

So from. Our shores to yours. Thank you for listening. We, we value you so much. And we see that there are people out there gaining value from our show and we wanna keep going forward and keep being consistent, delivering new shows every Friday. And we wanna also add in some variety out there too. We wanna not necessarily.

Always go with the same format every single time. So I think [00:03:00] for today, Eric, wouldn't you agree? Let's change up the format a little 

Host - Eric: bit. Yeah, I'm ready. Let's change it up. All right. What are we changing it 

Host - Taylor: to? Well, so I think it would be an awesome idea if we were to create a segment of this show called A Journey So Far.

Host - Eric: Oh, I like that. 

Host - Taylor: It's going to be for individuals to come on our show and speak about their journey. Up until this point, and I think you and I both agree that to name a journey so far is very important because our stories change over time throughout our recovery journeys. I know for me, when I look back on the stories I've told about the recovery, I've been.

Involved with or experienced. My stories have been modified multiple times, and for a while I thought it was because it was like, no, you're lying about this, and now you're telling the truth about it. More or less. I think it's just an [00:04:00] evolution of realizing what was true and what was not, and then adapting our stories as we grow through these things and.

I think that's what we're gonna do today is have a guest on the show to talk about their journey so far, and we'll go from 

Host - Eric: there. I love it. I think that that, and, and I like that point that, you know, our journeys and how we see our journeys evolve. You know, what, what we we're saying in the beginning and what we thought was important in the beginning, we start to realize some of that stuff isn't always needed or maybe even more of it is needed.

Um, and also I, I do think that we, depending on the, um, The people we're talking to, we might adapt a little bit to them as well. But, uh, but I think it's, it's a great idea that, you know, we all have gone through those things where we think one way for a while and we kind of learn more lessons and we start to think another way.

So I [00:05:00] think the, um, you know, the journey so far is, is so appropriate and so accurate. I'm really excited. Who is our first. So 

Host - Taylor: this guest is very special to me. I've, uh, spoken with him a few times and he agreed to come on our show and discuss his journey so far. Before I introduce him though, I do want to add a personal note to this.

This individual has a very significant role that he's been playing in my life, especially more recently in the world of recovery. and also his dedication to the world of recovery through coaching, through mentorship, through constant engagement, and no matter what through the good days and the bad, he always seems to come back with an insight or a perspective that.

Speaks to more people than just himself, which shows the selflessness nature that has been presented throughout his four years of recovery. And this [00:06:00] individual is also celebrating four year sobriety as of last week. So I am here to quickly give a happy birthday song. Before we introduce our guests, so here's the Happy Birthday song, first.

Happy 

Birthday. Oh, asshole. Well look at you. 

Host - Eric: Boy. Tall.

Stick around 

this mom 

Host - Eric: in just another time, 

a improve rock.

Host - Eric: Help 

Host - Taylor: me introduce our guest today. Eric. 

Host - Eric: Andrew what? Wow, what? Wait, it's me. Did you 

Host - Taylor: know I was gonna play that? 

Host - Eric: I had no idea. That's a great, you put a lot of effort into this. That's, that's awesome. That was perfect. That was a perfect song, . Perfect. [00:07:00] Uh, thank you so much for that introduction. That was, uh, at first, I'm listening, going, wait, who's he talking about?

and then I'm like, oh, wait, I know that guy. So anyway, thank you. Thank you very much Taylor. And yes, uh, I do wanna talk a little bit about my story to, uh, to you guys. We, we do feel like that at some point you do need to get a little bit more of a background on, on us. So we thought that I would start first.

So I have had, in the last four years an opportunity to tell my story many times. . And what I found interesting about it is that every single time I tell it, either a, a new thing gets brought up or something gets left out. But I feel like every time that's allowing the story to evolve to the level of helpfulness to folks and, and, you know, When I first came into recovery, I wasn't really sure what that all meant.

You know, the whole idea of service to others and being there for other people. Um, [00:08:00] but as time has gone on, I've really recognized that importance and the importance of our stories and, and even when we're telling our story to one person or we're telling our story to 10, or we're on a, on a podcast and we're telling it to many people.

It. You'd never know that one person that's out there that might be listening it. Here's one aspect of your story that helps them. And to me that's, that is one of the mysteries and the joys of recovery. , you know, to have that person come up in a meeting and say to you, Hey, thank you man. You know, I appreciate what you had to say.

It really helped me today. Uh, or on a chat, you know, somebody said that that was important or what's happened to me more often than not. I don't know if this is just my forgetfulness or not, but I've had people come up and say, you know, You may not remember, but you were at my very first chat, or you may not remember, but you're at my very first meeting and what you had to say really hooked me into this whole recovery world and I wanted to thank you and you're [00:09:00] kind of floored by that cuz you.

Uh, you don't go into talking in a chat or, or telling your story with Day Dave. Like, oh, well I hope I hit 10 out of 20 people today that really hear my story. You know, we don't really think of it that way. So to have somebody come up and say something to you, um, it really, it humbles you. It definitely humbles you.

So with that being said, um, let me start, uh, I do wanna preface everything by saying there is some trauma involved here, so just be aware. Uh, it's not super bad, but I just wanna make sure that people know that, that there is some there. So I grew up in a family where my father, uh, was in the military, uh, had been in the Navy, and uh, my mom was, both my parents were from the East coast.

My dad's from New York City, and my mom was from the state of Virginia. My early days of life, uh, we traveled around quite a bit, so probably not really settled into a school till about five. [00:10:00] Maybe six years old, seven years old, somewhere in there. Now I used to think that really wasn't a big deal, but I kind of look at my life since I've left home and how I've kind of been a vagabond and like every five or six years, seven years is itch to move again, is part of who I am.

And I really do think that was ingrained when I was like three and four. Which just leads to also telling about some other things that have happened that, um, were ingrained in me and how I approached looking at them. So my dad was in the Navy. Uh, my mom was, uh, for the most part, for most of her life, a stay, a stay-at-home mom.

Uh, had some nurses training, but never really finished. Uh, we moved around a lot in the early days, but ended up settling in the Midwest. and, um, which was very kind of fish outta water for all of us, especially the fact that we were East coast people. My dad grew up without a father. Uh, he was under the impression his father had [00:11:00] had died.

Uh, the day he left to go to the service. My grandmother and great-grandmother sat him down and told him that his father did not die, uh, that he was kicked out of the house because he was, uh, an alcoholic and a. . So at 18 years old, my dad finds out for the very first time his dad is not dead. Uh, now he never pursued looking for him, but, but that's kind of that part of the story.

My mom grew up in a, in a household where it was a second marriage for her mother, um, due to, uh, uh, unfortunate accident to her first husband. And the second marriage, uh, this person was, uh, had a lot of mental illness. There was a lot. Uh, things going on in that, in and around my mom's growing up that really.

Impacted her as she moved into adulthood. And she certainly had, um, mental illness was a big part of her life. So we're growing up in this household where, um, you know, my, my father [00:12:00] didn't have a father, so his theory of, of being, uh, a father was that I make money and I put a roof over your head and close on your back and it's your mom's job to raise you.

So I'm not gonna have any part of that. And for the most part, he had no part. meaning just if he had to be involved in something was only because my mom kind of made him do it, but certainly did not want to be there. My mom on the other hand, and I think a lot of it was due to growing up poor and growing up in a, in a, the very emotionally abusive household was emotionally abusive as well, and her major demand from us was perfection.

That we needed to be perfect when we were outside of the house at all times and there was. Questioning any of that. If we made one false move, we would be paying the price for it type of thing. So I grew up with this attitude that women. Would set the rules and that the rules would be, you need to be perfect to be around me or I will [00:13:00] not have you around me.

And I went into my life with that thought process and, and it actually evolved in not just with women, but with all relationships in my life that the, the, the bottom line theory in my life. , I need to be a step ahead of them so I can figure out what I need to do before they ever get there so I can come across as being perfect.

And if I'm perfect, then they will want me in their life. If I'm not perfect, then I'm, I lose out and, and I kind of went into my adult life doing that. So in the course of that, I find alcohol. and somewhere around 18 years old, I start, uh, maybe a little younger than that, I guess. Uh, drinking, like we would steal beers from my dad's fridge and every guy was in charge of doing that, and we'd go out camping and drink at a camp out.

Once I found alcohol very similar to a lot of other people's stories, life got better. Life got easier. I felt like that I could finally talk to people. [00:14:00] That I couldn't talk to before, especially women. And I could have a little bit of, you know, humor in my voice and, and be interesting and all those kind of things.

And I felt like I could never do that without alcohol. So alcohol became a best friend for a while. And as I went along in my life, again, along with that theory of moving around, I started moving around in college and then when I lived in different places and I had a job where they moved me around the state for a while, then I moved into New Jersey and I moved around a lot.

But what that afforded me was to kind of escape what was going on. So I would make a mistake. . And, uh, part of my story, which I'm not gonna get into a lot of here, was legal. I had some legal issues and, but the way that I would deal with those legal issues was I'd kind of put them in a box. So I would, I would say, okay, well here's this legal issue and here are the things I need to do to solve it.

And then once I solved it, it got put on the shelf like it never happened, and I would just move. What helped me to continue to do that was being able to [00:15:00] move around. So I wasn't ever in one place for very long, so I didn't have to really face what I had done with anybody else because there would always be new faces and new people in my life.

So it was like kind of. Just hitting, restart and doing it all again. And unfortunately for me, restart didn't mean it got better. Restart meant that it continued that I still had the legal problems. I still had the issues. I still had, you know, the, the, the failed relationships. I still had all of those things.

So those followed Eric, wherever he went, it didn't just go away. And I say that because I hear so many people in early sobriety talk. Trying to change things, trying to change what they're doing and who they're with and you know, their job or the place that they live. And they are convinced, and I was one of them, that if I do that, it will all change and I will get, uh, my life will get better and all this will go away.

At least for me. It never went away. It was still there. It may take a little bit of time to catch up, but it [00:16:00] was still. . So all these things were going on and happening in my life. Um, and there finally came a point in 2015 where it came to a head where the obvious, I almost kind of like to look at it from the perspective of if you play cards and you're sitting there and you're trying to bluff, you know, you have a few cards in your hand, but not a lot.

I feel like in 2015 that last ace was taken and it had nothing. But a few number cards that weren't even in order. And I knew that if I kept trying to play it at hand, I was gonna lose and I was gonna lose everything. I would lose all of it. And that was the thing that started to scare me, was the idea that I had pushed this so far, that there were no other options.

That the next option would be everything would be gone, the job would be gone, my life would be gone, you know? and um, and I have to be honest, there was a [00:17:00] point in that, in that place, and I said it to a couple of people that if that were to happen, I would have not hesitate to take a gun and put it to my head.

And that's where I was at. And I did not look at that as a bad option. I looked at it as like, if that's my way out, then that's my way out and I was okay with it. And that alone is scary that when you get to that place where you're okay with that, And, and I think, you know, unfortunately many of us get to that place and you know, sometimes it takes that much of a bottom to start to like turn you around.

And it was very interesting because in that week that all that had happened, um, I was talking to my brother a little bit and one thing that he'd said to me that still sticks in my head today, . But it was very interesting, especially at that lowest point that I was at. He said, you know, he goes, there's always that story of the Phoenix rising.

And he said, so, you know, maybe this [00:18:00] is that time where you've just had enough and you're gonna start to rise. And I remember him saying that, and you know how people say stuff to you and just kind of go, okay, that was nice, but. I kind of was like that. I'm like, well, if I even have halfway or even a quarter way of what a Phoenix is supposed to do, I'll be blessed.

Well, I have to tell you that from that point on, I was blessed tenfold. So this happens in 2015. I, at that point, am living a pretty far away from friends pretty far away from my job. And I had no idea how this was gonna work. I was gonna be outta license, I was gonna have to figure out how this is go. I was gonna be able to manage this and be, and keep it as normal as possible.

So a really good friend of mine who lived, uh, where I was at, or. In the town I had lived in before said, well, why don't you just move up here? Why don't you just get up here and we'll figure it [00:19:00] out from here. And I say, yeah, but you know, when I started listening to all the reason why I was afraid to do it, he said, just stop being afraid to do it.

Just do it. And I bring that up because this has been kind of the cornerstone of my life. And I just now in my fourth year, have had another situation happen. Not like that, but another situation happen where I just needed to do something and I needed to stop thinking about it. So a lot of times in recovery, you know, especially early on, you hear people say, How long do I have to do this and then I'm done , you know, um, how long do I like, is there comes a point where I get it and it's over and I just move on.

Right. And my thing is, well, It's kind of an ongoing life lesson, because in my mind, recovery is everything. It's your whole life. It's your relationships, it's your friendships, it's your job, it's your lifestyle, it's your health, it's all of it. And that alone is something that we all work on every [00:20:00] day of our lives.

So to me, recovery is what we're all doing. I think the only difference with us in recovery is we're super conscious. Why we're at that point and working on it. Um, whereas maybe in our regular lives, if we're not thinking about addiction, we might not be necessarily thinking a lot about those certain things.

So in 2015, I moved back up here. I find ways to work and everything, and then I, I meet this person online and she introduces me to Eckhart Tole. and Eckhart Tole opens the door to me in terms of mindfulness and in terms of meditation. Now these two things become super, super important to me in my recovery, so I'm really glad that I found them first.

And so I meditated for probably, uh, almost a year before I decided to finally get. But the meditation was really starting to ground me. It was really starting to keep my brain from flying all over the place, which was something that it was just [00:21:00] doing all the time, and that was great. So when I went into recovery, and as a lot of us know, the fir first three months, six months, up to a year.

is crazy and your brain is all over the place. All these emotions are flooding back in and maybe for the very first time, you're like feeling some of these things, really feeling them and not quite sure how to deal with it. And I know for a lot of us that can be overwhelming and push us back out. But for me, because of the meditation I was doing every morning, I was able to kind of keep myself.

you know, I was able to kind of keep myself in a place that allowed me to just take it in and, and just allow myself to take each day as it came. Um, but the meditation was really the place that opened up not only the part, uh, that part of recovery for me, but then opened up the, the other part of recovery for me, which then included everything else, my [00:22:00] spirituality, my health, you know, my.

Activities outside my relationships have gotten better and, and slowly gotten better. And all this stuff happened. I feel like the, the beginning stage of that, the bit, the grounding for me was meditation. The next step was getting involved in recovery. And so I knew for me that AA was not gonna be the way that I wanted to go to start this.

Uh, I kind of started off. A bit of a resentment towards AA to some degree, and I, I think part of that came out of that I was kind of mandated to have to go to AA for a while, and I don't, I really don't deal well with people telling me what I have to do or else type of thing. So when I had to go through all of that, I kind of said, well, you know what, I'm not gonna make a decision about recovery until I'm done with this, because I feel like the, the decision is based on somebody telling me to do so.

so I'm gonna wait. And so I waited and I waited till I was out of [00:23:00] the, that I was clear of everything, that I had no other issues pending on me. And that's when I made a decision that the life I was living could no longer exist. It had to change if I expected my life to get better, and if I expected my everything about my life to get better, that I needed to make that change.

And I needed to stop drinking, and I needed to give, give that a chance. So I joined an online group and one of the, I think one of the things that really helped was it allowed me to, because there was a monthly cost involved, it allowed and afforded me accountability right off the bat. You know, the idea that I don't want to mess this up.

because it'd be like throwing money in the street. So why would I wanna throw money in the street? If I'm gonna do this, then I'm gonna put my best effort forward. And to this day, I still feel like that that's one of the things that's great about some of the online groups is when you have to give a little bit of yourself financially [00:24:00] to it.

It does set up some accountability, uh, at least for me. , you know, not everybody. And, and again, remember, this is my journey and my story. I, I'm not saying that everybody should do it this way or, or, and you are all gonna find different ways that work for you. And that's the beauty of recovery is as much as we talk about connection and being connected to each other, there's also an individuality part to it.

And, you know, you have to find what works for you. And you know, this story I'm telling you is what has worked for me. So I make the decision to join the group. , I start to get myself involved in the online group and through that doors opened through that, um, a belief in myself happened. Through that, I started to view myself in a very different way.

I started to look at some of the things that happened in my childhood from the perspective of, of emotionally traumatic, and that I needed to let you know, forgive myself for how I had approached and forgive the people in my life, and realized [00:25:00] they were trying to do the best job they could. and I could make the choice to look at things a lot differently than I had been looking at them.

And that was so helpful to know that I had that power to change the way that I was looking at things, that I wasn't mandated, that I had to be the way that I was. I could change that and that's what, you know, recovery. Started to open the doors for me. And so, you know, when I talk about coaching and then I talk about giving back and, and helping people find their voice, that's what I'm talking about.

That, you know, recovery has helped me to find my voice again, has helped me to feel good about who I am as a person and what I want to talk about, um, has it has allowed me to be of service to people, you know? So here I am in 2023. February 10th, 2023. I celebrated four years alcohol free. Alright, ? Yes. Thank you.

Thank you. In that four years, [00:26:00] I have, obviously I've become a coach. I'm also volunteering at a mission that's like maybe 10 minutes from my house where I get to give back to, to people that are going through a lot worse than I'm going through that could have, that could have easily been me. You know, as we say, by the grace of.

So go, I, I, I could be that person sitting in, in one of those, at one of those tables. So it's such a great opportunity to give back in a way that makes me feel good about what recovery's all about. My job is going well. My personal life has gotten much better and growing every day my friendship circle has widened.

I feel good. I feel good about things. I'm so glad I made the choice four years. On February 10th to give it up. I'm so glad that I've gone through some of the things and I obviously didn't have time to go to, to every little thing that has gone on in my life that has built to this point. But all of those [00:27:00] things, I am now grateful for the good, the bad, and the indifferent because they all got me to where I am today.

And one of the greatest things that I, I like to say, uh, it was said to me many, many times when I first came into recovery, and I still think it's probably one of the most important phrases I ever heard was, you are right where you're supposed to be. I am right where I'm supposed to. and I am thankful and grateful that I'm sitting on this podcast as a co-host with one of the best people to be able to be a co-host with in the world, sitting in, sitting across me in Denver

But yeah, that's it, man. That's the story. Wow. 

Host - Taylor: The way in which you articulate things shows that you've processed. Many times I can hear the detail and the contemplation in your presentation. And what I mean by that is the way in which you [00:28:00] structure your experiences suggests to me that you've done a lot of work on this.

Would I be right in saying, 

Host - Eric: You're, you're absolutely right and 

Host - Taylor: I hope that comes across as a compliment cuz it is one. 

Host - Eric: No, it does. It does. Absolutely. I very 

Host - Taylor: much so enjoyed that. I did. And I think there's a lot of great lessons in there that are just as much for us. The listeners as you, the presenter, what are your thoughts about doing the work when it comes to getting involved in recovery?

and the amount of effort that you had to put in to the beginning of your journey? 

Host - Eric: Well, I, that's a great question. Thanks for asking that, Taylor. Cuz initially I thought the work was just joining the group and showing up, you know, once in a while on Facebook. . And as time went on, the work meant that I had to really take a look at myself and really take a look at what, what were the things that I needed to work on, what, [00:29:00] what really had my drinking played with and messed up.

And to be honest with you, it was everything. So doing the work means relationship wise, I have to get in there and realize I've ma the mistakes I make and, and understand what those mistakes are and realize they're, those are coming from a brain that was stunted at like 18 years old because of just pouring alcohol over feelings and not really dealing with.

those kind of things that maybe I could have learned at that, that time. So I'm on this fast track of, of learning. I'm, I'm making mistakes and like adjusting and trying to do that, but I'm willing to face the fact that I'm gonna make mistakes. You know, when I first got in here, I wasn't willing to face the fact, I was still believing that I could blame the society for why I was where I was.

And in reality it was, it was me and, and I needed to work on me working. It also means giving back, you know, helping another, you know, we like to say helping another drunk, right. Or helping another, [00:30:00] another person in sobriety. If my words can help anybody, you know, if we're sitting in a room or, or even if I'm just having a conversation with somebody by themselves and we're just talking about stuff and I, maybe I say something that might.

That's service, that's giving back and really trying to be an active listener to what they have to say. That's the work. Recognize that I'm in that person as much as they're in me. I, I can relate to their story as much as they can relate to mine and that there's a lesson in their story that I need, or I wouldn't have been there in that moment.

Host - Taylor: I like what you had to say about pouring alcohol over feelings. I. That illustration paints a picture that allows me to look into exactly what caused not only your situation, but mine as well, of getting myself to where I was at my breaking point. And you speaking about your breaking point, was it one specific thing that led you in here?

I know you've briefly spoke on [00:31:00] this pivot point with your brother and the rising of the phoenix. Would you say it was that specific instance or, okay, that was more or less, that was a pivot point, but was there a defined moment where the tables did shift, whether it be after you got involved in the groups, things like that?

Host - Eric: Uh, yeah. The shift, uh, happened in that final legal issue because the initial shift was you have no more card to play. If this happens to you again, you lose everyth. , you cannot do this again. Whatever the reason was there was this, I felt this kind of total shift in how I was thinking about things up until that point.

Now, like a lot of us, I had the shift, but I still drank for another year and a half before I solved it. But, uh, or no longer than that, um, like two more years. So, but in my brain, it kept playing in my brain. You've gotta make a [00:32:00] change. You've gotta make a change, you've gotta make a change. And, and it just stuck there and it just kept playing on and on and on.

And so, yeah, the little things like what my brother had to say to me when I look back now, that was a significant moment in what then transpires right after that, which is me getting in recovery and, and all. The real shift was that night standing there realizing I didn't have another card to play and that I was really, really lucky that I wasn't stuck somewhere and not being able to get out.

That's 

Host - Taylor: amazing. What would you say your rituals are that keep you sober today, especially into year? 

Host - Eric: There's a lot of things that are now kind of almost built in. And I say that because, uh, I just in January started working on a coaching business, so that's an everyday reminder for me. Of what I'm trying to do and I wanna be authentic with that [00:33:00] approach.

And also in just when I listen to other stories, I, for me, just listening to somebody else's story, and it doesn't have to be in a meeting, it doesn't have to be in a room. It can be over the phone, it can be face-to-face, it can be over a cup of coffee. That keeps me grounded as. The mission I, I try to go at least once a week or once every other week, and that keeps me grounded and it feels so good to go there.

I really find joy in walking through that door. Were 

Host - Taylor: you somebody in your drinking that did those types of activities anyways or was that something that developed through your. . 

Host - Eric: I was somebody in those in my drinking days who would've said, I want to do that. I would like to do that. Mm-hmm. , but then just never following through.

you know, so this was me following through and ironically enough, if things would've worked out, I would've had less than a year and I would've already started working with them. Uh, [00:34:00] covid kind of messed everything up. So, uh, I had gone December of 2019 for, for the, they, they, if you wanna be volunteer there, you have to go through a, a process with them.

And I went through that process in December. And then what was it? March of 2020, the whole world shut down. So they weren't letting anybody in, you know, you couldn't go and volunteer. Nobody wanted to be next to each other. So I just put it off. And then even when things started to get better in 2021, I, I left it alone.

And I just recently, um, December, 2022 started. So two years later kind of started volunteering, but it was on my agenda of something that needed to happen. So I was so grateful that. 

Host - Taylor: So there's a phrase that I always think about. Some people hold it true, some maybe not. I'm not quite sure. But I think it's a phrase that I wanna start asking as a question for these type of segments, which is, when I got sober, I didn't change much, but I did change everything.

So my question to you is, did you [00:35:00] change everything in your. 

Host - Eric: Well, first off, this is a great question. It's really thought provoking. I would say that I changed a lot of things and probably more so where the biggest changes is, is in my thinking and how I approach things. Uh, some friends are still in my life that were in my life prior to Dr actually, to be honest with you.

Most of them, most of, I mean, I've been lucky. The people that I have as friends have been super supportive of this. Um, they, and one guy was a guy I used to drink with. , and he's been super supportive of this and not, there's been no animosity from him about me not being his drinking buddy anymore. You know?

So, uh, so that's, that's worked out. So I've not had to change that. I had become a recluse, so I wasn't doing a lot of things with people or with organizations. So there wasn't a lot to change, but what there was, was a lot to add back. and, and I added things back in as my [00:36:00] recovery from that first drink kind of found some distance and, um, starting to do more things that I was doing a little bit of here and there.

But, uh, or maybe not even doing at all, you know, the whole, my whole gym routine has picked up tenfold from where it was prior to all of this. Um, my hiking has picked up a hundred fold. Where I was in all this, you know, running, I'm wanting to run again. And, and you know, I remember in 2009, 2020 when all this first started and they shut down all the gym.

They're like, oh, you know what? I think I'm gonna go back and run. And I was about a year into sobriety and I couldn't, I couldn't get excited about running at all. And now I'm, I enjoy it and I'm glad it's part of my. You know, my spirituality, uh, I was really frustrated in my spirituality. It's funny that, that all this is getting brought up.

Cause I'm thinking, I had been thinking about this recently. I was really frustrated by spirituality in general. I did not know what [00:37:00] I wanted, what I felt comfortable in believing and, and all that. And my spirituality's taken such a turn towards something that I really can kind of sink my teeth into.

That makes a lot of sense to me in the reality of, of my world, the way I see my. So I think some things got it added back in. Some things got kind of taken out or pushed off to the side and there's still things that I'm working on. So, you know, as we like to say, I am a work in progress. 

Host - Taylor: You're a whip. Yep.

So final question for you then is where do you see yourself over the next four years of. 

Host - Eric: To answer that question, I, I would have to go back four years ago and say, we're, if you would've asked me that question three months in, I don't know if I would've said what I'm doing now. You know, cuz I don't know if, if I would've saw those opportunities as I went along.

I am getting to a place where I'm starting to believe this's really hard to say, too many definitive [00:38:00] things about where I would like to. But I will say this, just based on what I'm doing right now, I would love to see four years from now my coaching business being successful in some way. I would like to obviously see our podcast continue to be successful.

I would like to see myself, and this has being very vulnerable right now, but I would like to see myself in a very healthy relationship, really. Yeah. And and to me, if you were gonna ask me what are important relationships in general are important now, much more so than I've ever. And I cherish the ones I have.

So I would love to be in a good, solid, romantic style type relationship that is as healthy as it can be. 

Host - Taylor: Well, you heard it here, folks, Eric, he's single. He's ready to mingle , and he's vulnerable. Which that V word, let me tell you what, it's the new strength word. I don't know. It looks good on you. You wear it?

Well, my friend . [00:39:00] 

Host - Eric: Well, you know, listen, I can, I just to piggyback off of that really quickly and why I said that and, and wanted to say it here, is one of the biggest things I have learned in recovery is the idea that being vulnerable. and, and it's okay. I mean, we've talked about this in sometimes jokingly on here, but it's okay as a guy to cry.

It's okay as a guy to have feelings. It's okay to say, I'm not right today. I don't feel right today. And it's also okay to have a, a, a goal or a dream or whatever. This does vulnerable, and, and I think we all have them. I just don't think we talk about them. Right before 

Host - Taylor: I met my wife, . I was in a very short relationship with someone who was not ready to take that next step, and that's fine.

She was in her mid twenties and I was almost in my thirties. We were in two very different places mentally on what we wanted. The [00:40:00] interesting part though is I spent the majority of my relationships in my twenties catering to the needs and wants of the individual. I was. and not necessarily the needs and wants of what I wanted long term, and I had wanted for a very long time to stop playing the games, get into a serious relationship and have kids.

But I never voiced that because I always felt like. , you know, it wasn't the right thing to voice, especially if I didn't wanna scare her away and she looked in my direction. So this is, you know, like I, I felt like I wasn't good enough to hold myself out. Yep. And I always needed to just jump in at a first opportunity.

And it wasn't until I actually started saying with that last relationship, oh no, this is what I. and if you don't want it, that is fine. That is where you're at. Wasn't a negative thing. It was a matter of fact thing. [00:41:00] I am not where you're at and you want to still go out and do things. And we were both in RE and we were both in recovery.

We were both sober, but we weren't in the same place mentally. And that is fine. I met my wife and it was. It was so easy to have those vulnerable conversations, have those goal conversations, have those talk conversations, and just be authentically ourselves and our desires because we met somebody on the same wavelength.

And I bring all of this up because that's coming for you, my friend. It is coming for you. And I do think that among all of the other things is gonna be something we see within the next four years. And more importantly, I really like how you started to answer this question. You pretty much answered it as one day at a time.

I really don't know where I'm gonna be in four years. This is kind of like loose desires that I have, but ultimately, recovery's given you [00:42:00] so much in so many unexpected ways that it would be dang near impossible to predict the next four years and what it's gonna look like.

So, This episode has been amazing. I really appreciate it. Do you have any final words, final thoughts, any burning desires to get out there before we close this up? 

Host - Eric: Well, I would just, I, the only other thing that I would add to everything was would be, the first four years have been amazing, and like I said, in month three, I could have never told you what these four years ended up coming out to be.

I am starting to recognize about life in. Is all I have is what's right in front of me right now. I can't predict the future and the pass is over. There's nothing I can do about it. So I'm just on for the ride. And, and another thing that was said to me early on, and I love this too, is like, hang on cuz the rides are gonna get bumpy.

So , I'm ready for the [00:43:00] bumpy ride. And uh, and I've enjoyed it so far, so I'll just keep hanging on. Well, 

Host - Taylor: one more time. Happy 

birthday as home. Well look at 

Host - Eric: you boy, grownup and tall. Who would've it stick around this 

mom in just another time, A improved rock. 

Host - Taylor: Happy birthday my friend. Thank 

Host - Eric: you, brother. Thank you.

All right. Until 

Host - Taylor: next week everybody, we have another amazing show coming up on our next episode. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you to all of our listeners and all the different countries and all the different states. We are so grateful you are here, and we look forward to checking back in with you next Friday to bring you another great episode.

Thanks for 

Host - Eric: listening. Hey, [00:44:00] thank you all for listening to the show. We really appreciate it. 

Host - Taylor: Thank you so much for joining us today, and we would not be here. 

Host - Eric: New episodes Air every Friday morning. This show is available wherever you podcast. 

Host - Taylor: You can join the conversation throughout the week by following us on Instagram and TikTok by searching at sober the letter n Shameless.

If you would like to be a guest on our show or would simply like to send us an email about this week's topic, then please email us. Sober shameless@gmail.com. You can find all these links and more in the show notes. 

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Host - Eric: in supporting the show, then buy us a cup of coffee. That's a drink we can enjoy without regret.

Just simply navigate to buy me a coffee.com/sober and shameless. That's S O B E R N S H A N E L E S S. And you can give us a cup if you'd like. We'll send [00:45:00] you a sober and shameless sticker in the mail and post a photo on our Instagram thanking you for 

your support. Woo, 

Host - Taylor: and finally. 

Host - Eric: Shed that shame. Don't forget to take care of yourself today.

We love you and you are worth it. 

Coming in regular, coming in hot.[00:46:00] [00:47:00]