Episode 08 - Sober Hobbies Ft. Robyn

Show notes from the hosts:
The topic for today is about what to do in Sobriety and how to find new hobbies or pick back up on some old forgotten ones. We join the guys and Robyn on the discussion of continuous counting of days.  Robyn said that the counting added to her early struggles in sobriety.  Robyn is a numbers junkie. who enjoys percentages.
Boys do introductions and introduce Robyn as their guest. How's everybody's week been.  Eric has been doing a lot of inspirational posts promoting coaching business. Taylor has been doing editing.  Robyn actually starts asking questions about Taylor and Cassie's, Klinger Crafted woodworking business. Conversation goes into what kind of hobbies that everyone is doing.
Robyn introduces the Flight, Fight or Freeze in how we deal with problems and added a fourth one from Laura McKowen called Fawning
Eric talks about how he used Fawning as a dysfunctional tool to work with difficult people.
Robyn says "too much grace becomes enabling and too much tough love leads to shame"
Robyn talks about enabling allowed her to drink longer.
Tough love doesn't work because we are already tough on ourselves
Recovery opens our awareness of ourselves
Eric talks about how the awareness piece is so important for him in navigating his own Recovery
Taylor focuses on Robyn's posts and how she can find humor in tough subjects around Recovery
Robyn talks about how dark humor has helped her to get through. Robyn took a writing course that allowed her to look at her past differently
Can share shameful things from a humor perspective. What have I learned from all of this
Taylor talks about how we learn how to speak about our journey's.  Our Dark side in addiction and who we really are comes back together in Sobriety. Taylor tells a story about drinking most of the night and showing up for his job still drunk. We gotta own the bad stories as well as the good stories.
Robyn has much gratitude that her "shitshow" memories didn't end up worse. Own your own stuff.
Eric talks about owning all of it will define your own road and journey.  This is your road to go down, good and bad, it's all about the journey.
Robyn can now look down the road and decide how to pave it.
Taylor, Eric and Robyn start talking about bad Dad jokes or bad jokes in general.
Eric gets into a MeMe conversation with Robyn.
Robyn: We now can laugh at ourselves with goofy MeMe's.
Taylor ends episode by thank

Transcript

S&S EP08

Host - Taylor: [00:00:00] Sober and shameless episode.

Hey everybody. Welcome to the show. I'm Taylor Klinger. And I'm Eric. Andrew. And this is Sober and Shameless shedding the Shame, the podcast that flips the script on what it means to live a sober life in each 

Host - Eric: episode of Sober and Shame. The host, along with the occasional guests, will pick a topic to shed their shame about, explore ideas on how to grove through those challenges and provide organic, lighthearted, honest, and unprofessional commentary about their experiences with addiction, strength through recovery and life and sobriety.

Host - Taylor: Oh, oh wait. But you were also saying percentages though. So you were saying like 72% of the time I was saying, yeah, that's what it was. Okay. 72%. Yeah. Cause are you still under that belief? Are you still under that way of thinking? And I'm not [00:01:00] judging it as like a left or right thing on it. I just know that there's two different ways where people come into the recovery world where they're like, I'm at 72% of this, or hard stop.

No, I. This many days away period. End of discussion. 

Guest - Robyn: I think that, I think it was instrumental for me to stop being so focused on the consecutive days. Mm-hmm. , because what I, what that 318 was, um, I started a tracking on dry days app. I started tracking j uh, July 1st, 2018. So I literally kept track of every single day and it was helpful, but at the same time, there were certain pitfalls to it too.

The thing was is I got tired of resetting like the I Am Sober app. I got tired of it and then I found dry days where I could, okay, I can count this as a slip, but I can also look at the big picture. And what, what I started noticing and it helped me kind of recognize trends, is like, you know, I [00:02:00] would make it a certain amount of days and think it was okay to drink and then it was like, well, fuck if I did it today, and then I might as well just go ahead and keep doing.

For a week and I'll start again next Monday, or I'll start again on the first. And so it was kind of a, kind of a slippery slope. So I, I'm careful how much I recommend that cuz everybody is different in what works and what doesn't. But that worked for me and, um, it finally, I'm, I was kind of disappointed.

I'm kind of a numbers. And a stats junkie and the dry days app broke. So all of a sudden one day it was telling me I had 44 days. I was like, you liar, you liar. . So I . So I don't know, you know, I don't, I think my percentage now beauty of it is, is I have like four apps and I have one that I kept track of on as well.

And I think it says I'm up to like 89% in four years. So really? Maybe more than that. I dunno. Yeah, it's weird. I'm kind of a nerd. I remember dates, I remember numbers, , [00:03:00] 

Host - Taylor: I. Yeah. Well, and that's freaking hilarious though, that the app broke. How many people do you think used that as their excuse to go back and drink

I dunno. And I dunno why I'm laughing. I'm sorry, . 

No, no, 

Guest - Robyn: I, Hey. I would've been one of them dumb asses. I'm sure. You know, had it happened, had it happened early on, I would've been like, okay, well 

I guess I'm just meant 

Guest - Robyn: to be an alcoholic forever, so I'm an 80. I'm at 88% of sobriety since July 1st, 2008. 

Host - Taylor: Oh, that's freaking awesome.

So I think we're gonna do our episode kind of wish wash and backwards. I'm going to start this episode with me asking that one question, you explaining all that, and then me doing this part right here. Hey everybody, welcome to the show. It's Friday for you, but Saturday morning for us. How's it going? 

Host - Eric: It's going great.

It's going great. I'm busier than a cat covering up shit as they used to say. That 

Host - Taylor: is a weird statement. I'm [00:04:00] scared . 

Host - Eric: I stole that from somebody, so I probably should give it back. Right. 

Host - Taylor: Well everybody, the voice that you just heard and the discussion you just were a part of is actually from our guest today.

Robin, how are you Robin? 

Guest - Robyn: Hey, I'm good. How are you guys doing today? 

Host - Taylor: Doing all right, uh, and you are joining us in from. Columbia, South Carolina when we had Brian on the show. Is he South Carolina too? 

Host - Eric: Yes, he is. 

Guest - Robyn: He's from the upstate and I live in what I lovingly call the asshole of the state . Cause he's right 

Host - Taylor: in 

Host - Eric: the Senate.

I think all states probably have an asshole. Right. I think they do. I don't know. Sometimes I, I'm the asshole for New Jersey, by the way. 

Guest - Robyn: Are you, are you sure there's a lot of people in New Jersey that probably could, uh, are a better example of that? 

Host - Eric: Well, only because I moved here and I love it, so that makes me an asshole.

I think 

Host - Taylor: we just have green Leafs in Colorado. I don't even know if we have assholes. Uh, well actually, you know what, we got a lot of opinions and everybody [00:05:00] has opinions and everyone has assholes, so that would make sense. 

Yeah,

Host - Taylor: I'm really looking forward to the discussion today. I don't know what it's going to be, but I'm sure it's gonna be fantastic. But before we get into it, how's everybody feeling? How's everybody's week been? Did anybody do anything fun and exciting? Uh, this past? 

Host - Eric: I had the week off, but I was doing a lot of work on the business and a lot of work on learning new apps and, and doing all kind kinds of stuff.

So I was certainly, uh, kept occupied, but uh, but it was nice not to have to go into the grind every day. 

Host - Taylor: I really like what I've been seeing from your posts on our Instagram page. Eric, I really think that it's pretty cool. You actually are a big proponent of posting daily selfies and having some words of inspiration to put out there for that day, and you do it across like multiple platforms.

But now I'm seeing that you're bringing it over to the, uh, sober shameless Instagram tag, and [00:06:00] it's really cool. I like it. I, you know what's funny is I almost like. The other day, but I was on our Sober and shameless Instagram and I was like, wait, that's douchey. . So I had to like switch over to my own Instagram and be like, aha.

Just kidding. I like, I like this from a different perspective. . Oh man. Uh, for me, I think, uh, what did I do over the week? Well, 

Host - Eric: think you've been doing some editing. 

Host - Taylor: Yeah. For all those that don't know, I am the editor, producer of this show. It makes things a little bit easier for us, but, and janitor too. Jan and janitor.

I pick up a lot of shit here. Let me tell you what, oh, and 

Host - Eric: by the way, no, nothing against janitors. Uh, they're definitely needed for sure, but, but they're the backbone of America. 

Host - Taylor: Everything for us. No, when you, they are the backbone of America. I, I, you were complimenting me, man. Yeah, but I did some editing on the podcast.

I actually [00:07:00] received some commission work for my wood shop, and I'm gonna start making up some designs for. And lots of dog kisses. Definitely lots of dog kisses. So what do you like to do in your wood shop? I don't know. My 

Guest - Robyn: husband's a woodworker, so I'm just curious. Oh, 

Host - Taylor: Cassie and I actually created Clinger crafted because of our wedding.

We made all of the centerpieces out of wood ourselves. We made. Kind of basic, but really aesthetically pleasing and going along with our, our vibe and our theme, wood triangle Mountains that had the names etched of different mountain peaks that are known throughout the state of Colorado that were significant to us in our story.

Oh, that's really cool. Whether it was before we met or after we. And then made those the table identifiers for each [00:08:00] table at our wedding. And then once we did that, we migrated over to making these nice decorative jars. And by we, I mean, Cassie focused on that. She had a way better eye for it than I did.

And we migrated over to making our wayfinders the big gigantic board that tells everybody where they're sitting. We ended up making that out of wood, our ourselves as well. And I went from being somebody who is like not a handy person, really soft hands, not able to do much, but took two wood shop classes in middle school and for some reason, somewhere along my sobriety, I took that skillset and was like, I really want to jump back into this randomly at like two years of sobriety, and I just started doing things without an expectation or worry of what it was gonna look like and whether or not it was gonna be pretty in the end.

And once I took away that fear, I was able to just fuck [00:09:00] up over and over and over again until eventually I was like, wow. I could actually kind of turn this into like more or less like an Etsy business. We haven't sold much and we don't really have an expectation to, but we get commissioned to make signs and as of right now, we kind of have loose plans on making like trophies, small little trinkets and stuff, but we use pallet.

So our costs are low. Ooh. So y'all make 

Guest - Robyn: it extra hard on yourself. 

Host - Taylor: Yeah. So I actually have a pallet puller. Do you know what that is? Yeah. No one knows what a pallet puller is. It's like $40 off Amazon. And it's this weird twerking system that allows you to pop the boards off of the pallet, and then you have an air blowing gun that will blow out the nail.

And 

Guest - Robyn: Oh no, that sounds perfect. We tried the pallet stuff a few years ago. Yeah. And if you were to watch us work on it, you'd know why we only made two pieces and said, fuck this shit. 

Host - Taylor: Yeah. Um, it's a lot of work, . It's a lot of work. It's aesthetically pleasing, [00:10:00] especially for people who are into that style.

We've continued it on though, like, I don't get me wrong, I was like hardcore, like we're only using pallet. Until you only use pallets, , and then you're like, okay, I, I at least need to modify a little bit with some big box store stuff and add in some Home Depot runs because if I don't, I'm gonna go insane.

Guest - Robyn: Yeah. Yeah. Now you can keep the aesthetics without it being a hundred percent, you know. Right. But it is pretty cool though, and I love the idea that you have no expectations and, and don't care. You know, making mistakes is kind of how it goes. My husband, we, we call our little wood shop, uh, oops. A lot.

Cause there's gonna be some mistakes. 

Host - Taylor: I love that. That's awesome. I call my sobriety. Oops. A lot. 

Host - Eric: Oops. Yeah, my bad too. . But that's all part of it, right? That's it. Being able to not be perfe perfect. Per perfect. 

Host - Taylor: [00:11:00] Yeah. Which 

Guest - Robyn: is so hard for all of 

Host - Taylor: us. I know. Progress, not perfection. Well, okay, so then I'm kind of curious to stay on this topic for a little bit.

What about some hobbies that you've picked up in your recovery journey, maybe that have stuck, not stuck, worked for a little while, so on and so forth. I'm just more or less curious now. 

Guest - Robyn: Oh, I still struggle with finding hobbies. Yeah. Yeah. I, um, I don't know. I, I'm, I have to be honest and say I'm still having a hard time figuring out what it is I actually like to do and, Hmm.

I recently learned, I think it was, uh, something I saw from Lauren McOwen talking about how, you know, we had the, the fight flight for freeze. Yep. So there's a fourth one. There's a fourth one. I'd never heard of the fawn. And uh, when I read that, it was like a million and a half light bulbs just lit up and I realized why I struggled so hard to find my identity is because for so many years I was [00:12:00] too busy trying to make sure everybody around me was okay and I did everything everybody else wanted to do.

Um, and a lot of that was being in a, uh, several abusive relationships when I was young. So I never really kind of found myself because I was always too busy appeasing other. So that's, I think, you know, now that I have that realization that it, you know, cuz I was starting to feel like, what's wrong with me?

Why can't I find anything I like to do? I'm just not good at anything, yada, yada yada. And then I just realized that, um, it's just gonna take me a little longer than maybe some other people because, you know, I never really had any hobbies other than making sure that everybody else was okay. So 

Host - Taylor: that is super fascinating to me.

I didn't even know fawning was a word, let alone what it meant. And so I just got on the, uh, university of Google machine and it says, fawning is a trauma response where a person develops people pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict and to establish a sense of [00:13:00] safety. In other words, fawn trauma response is a type of coping mechanism that survives, oh, survivors of complex trauma adopt to appease their abusers.

I had no idea. This is fascinating. It's huge. Eric, you're nodding your head like, I mean, you're very aware of this. I know you've talked about, uh, Lauren Macallan a few times on here. Yeah. And 

Host - Eric: she's, and, and I did hear about this in, in her, on her, um, program as well, or on in her group and the fawning part.

I totally. I totally relate to that. You know, you always have, like at work or in life in general, people go, oh yeah, that person's really hard to get along with that person. Really difficult to to deal with. And I find myself in those situations where instead of stopping them from giving me a hard time about something or whatever, I find myself.

Placating them, you know, like trying to do things for them to make them feel good. And then I kind of sort of win them over, but win them over in this really [00:14:00] false sense of winning. It's more of they're getting out of this what they want. So that's why they're keeping me around, you know? And, and so I'm setting up this false sense of even connecting because I'm connecting on, on falsities, on, on the idea that I'll just be nice to them and they'll stop being mean type of.

I totally get that whole fawning thing and, and certainly something that, uh, I've been very conscious of lately to try to not be that 

Host - Taylor: kind of person. Interesting. So because I did a little bit of research on our super awesome guest today, you once said somewhere over the ethers, too much grace becomes enabling and too much tough love leads to shame.

And I kind of feel like this relates a little bit to this type of what we're looking at in terms of dealing with somebody of whether or not you're enabling them. By giving them that grace and not setting those boundaries, but [00:15:00] then finding that line on the other side of the fence where it can potentially turn into a form of shame.

Am I right in 

Guest - Robyn: that? Oh yeah, definitely. Now, you know, when I was talking about the, the past relationships, I've been with my husband for, gosh, almost 14 years, and he has been a saving grace in my life, and I do believe. over time. He's been super supportive of my journey and I'm very grateful for that. He's a normy he doesn't understand, but has definitely, you know, over time I feel like there have been points where he enabled me a lot and didn't even realize it.

Right. He was always supportive of, you know, if I told him I'm taking a break, but I'll, you know, I, I I might start drinking again, you know, next week or whatever, and he is like, Or if I wanted to moderate, he would be supportive in that. But I know that this last time he's like, is it, is this forever? Is this forever?

And I was like, let's just say it's indefinite. He's like, I just wanna make sure I know which way I'm supporting you. Right? Hmm. He gave me a lot [00:16:00] of space, a lot of space to make my mistake, but, and then there were, of course, there were times where there was tough love. But, um, I know that for me, I, I, I, I'm my own worst critic.

I don't, I do not need anybody telling me I fucked up. Cuz I guarantee you I already know and I've already put myself on all kinds of restriction because I did so bad. But yeah, that's the, that's where it's hard is definitely, we are all so hard on ourselves in recovery. That's also where kind of the enabling thing is, like we were talking about before we started recording, was that track.

You know, it's like, oh, well I slipped up. I might as well give myself some grace. I can keep going. Yeah. I, I'll just quit again in a couple of weeks. Well, next thing you know, right, you're, it's two months, three months, and then you're, then you're ashamed. So yeah, I don't know it, I don't know how to put that in great parameters, but yes, I, I do, I do definitely.

I think when you read that line, I don't remember how long ago I said that, but it was probably pretty recent. Cause I think that's been a recent [00:17:00] realization for 

Host - Taylor: me. I think that's a line that we're all walking in some way, shape or form. I know I've been walking it, my entire recovery journey in multiple forms, it's, it's appeared in many ways where I am going through something and I have to look at it from a hardball.

And then that only leads me so far before I have to be a little bit soft. And I keep teeter tottering back on. Like, which one's the definite, you know, which one's the finite, which one can I just stick with? And it's like, the answer's neither Taylor. 

Guest - Robyn: Yes. That struggle is so real. It's so real and, and like you said in so many different things and it's, it's just funny how getting into recovery just just opens up your awareness of so many other things, like whether or not they're other things you're addicted to or other, I, I don't know.

I just been so much fun in a sense to get to know why I think the way I [00:18:00] think and why I do what I do. And that's why I say, you know, I still haven't figured out all my hobbies, but I've definitely. I've definitely learned a lot of what I do not want to do, I don't like to do and I'm not going to do. So that's been a nice change.

Host - Eric: I think, uh, the awareness piece is a really big, big part of all of this as well. You know, when we talk about that fine line between, you know, h tough love and, and giving ourselves grace, you know, one of the things that I've really recognized in myself is more of a checking in with what I might be. You know, like when I come to the realization that my thinking might be off and that I on my own, by my own abilities is going to screw this up, then I, I, I've learned.

To try to reach out and talk to somebody that might have a little bit better grasp of the situation, simply because they're not emotionally connected to it. And I've been doing better about that, that it used to be just going crazy and doing whatever I, I thought was the right thing in the moment, and [00:19:00] realizing, whoa, wait.

That was not the right thing, but then I couldn't take it back. So I think that balance, like we're trying to find that balance between self-love for ourselves, you know, knowing when to give ourselves. And a break, but also knowing when we have to be tough on ourselves, when we have to hold ourselves accountable.

Part of that I think is just letting somebody else know, Hey, I got this tough thing going on and in my brain things aren't working really well. Can you just be that accountability person? You know? So I think a lot of it is what you were saying, Robin, we, we become aware of those things and that allows us, I think, to try to find that, like Taylor was talking about, that happy medium between the two.

Host - Taylor: Do we think that when we're in the grace mindset, That there are like almost two ways to handle the grace Avenue. Like when I think of grace, I kind of think of gentleness, kindness, relaxation. All of those words pop into my head. But there's one avenue of approach that I default to, which I also think is almost just as healthy and [00:20:00] maybe more reliable.

Humor. Oh yeah. . When we give ourselves grace, we're actually laughing at our own. And saying, you fucking idiot, what the hell is that shit? And I do gotta say, one of the things that I really love about Robin is we're friends on Facebook and a lot of your posts are very focused on that type of thinking.

Where you're le you know, you're giving an inside perspective in a. Lighthearted. Funny way on a topic that is very serious, it's, you know how co comedians are so funny because they're so relatable and a lot of the stuff that you post is so relatable, but then we all get to laugh at the stupidity that goes inside of our brains, and you take that analytical approach and look at it from that angle, so then we can all laugh at it together.

But I. Grace. I think that's a form of a healthy outlet of doing that. Cuz if we don't, then all we get to do is like, okay, I'm G Give myself [00:21:00] grace. I'm gonna be nice to myself. No, I need to be mean to myself. 

Guest - Robyn: no yet dark humor is, oh gosh, ever since I was a very small child, dark humor is the way I get through all the tough shit.

And I really like the way you said that. I hadn't really considered that as being part of the grace. But I think so. I think, um, you know, we gotta be able to laugh at ourselves and look at things and kind of come up with, and when you realize that you're not the only one like that, that does these stupid things, it, it, and, and that's why I love to share my dark humor with others because so many people relate to it.

Um, and yes, I love comedians because of that. And so many of them. You know, they've been through traumas too, and a lot of them will talk about it. Some of them won't. But you know, we all come from that place. And I think humor, I definitely learned that from my mom. Uh, sarcasm and wit, you know, I can brush off any terrible difficult [00:22:00] thing just by making a jump and that's the way I like to.

It is just so much easier. But you, you know, obviously you do have to look at the reality within yourself, but I like that as being a form of grace. Just kinda laughing at yourself going, what the. 

Host - Eric: Yeah, exactly. I, I like the humor idea too, but in, and I think in terms of like, when we first come in here, when we first get into recovery, or at least for me, um, I'd had a hard time laughing.

I had a hard time laughing and, and especially at myself because I was so, Picky about what, what I would allow people to see and what I allowed people not to see. And I would be harder on myself about what I did not accomplish versus just laughing to myself cuz I didn't accomplish it. Like, oh, it didn't happen today.

Oh well, you know. Um, so the laughing for me has been huge therapy and, and huge, um, grace, you know, the ability to laugh. And I love, like when I do chats and talk to, you know, that last line that we always say that, you know, allow yourself to. You know, [00:23:00] cuz there's honestly, there's some funny shit in recovery, you know?

And a lot of it is our own funny shit. And, you know, when we can laugh at ourselves, they think we're starting to heal. And you know, when we, when we can heal, then that's when the magic happens. You know, we start healing, we start seeing the world in a very different way. And, uh, we start to realize that we're part of it.

And, and I think that, um, laughing can get us there for sure. I think 

Host - Taylor: you're. Yeah. Yeah, and I, I think a great example of that is it's hard to like pinpoint when we're in these types of thinking, but I think a good example is you start getting some sub sobriety around you and then thoughts start creeping back in.

But they start creeping back in in weird ways that you wouldn't even think of. Like all of a sudden, you know, you have an obligation to water your house. Right, and you [00:24:00] don't do it and you consistently don't do it, and then you feel like you're depriving them of everything and it's all because of you, because they're your babies and oh, fuck it.

I should just go drink. That's the kind of example we're talking about of the stupidity with our addictions, and the reason I bring that one up specifically is, I also consider Robin a meme Lord, and she is amazing at finding this type of stuff and posting it because one of the memes that you posted is literally frank from the show.

The TV show's Shameless doing one of his dumb looks on his face, like a, what the fuck? And he's in a gurney thing. What are, what are those? A smock. From when he just got out of the hospital, the hospital, and he's given one of those stupid fucking looks and above it, it says, my houseplants watching me put water in the espresso machine.[00:25:00] 

Yeah. And that's, that was a great show. That one. Yeah, I felt that one. And that's the kinda stuff we're talking about, right? Like, just to put it in context. 

Guest - Robyn: Yeah. Oh yeah. No. Um, you know, my plants are dying. I can't, I can't even keep plants alive. What the fuck am I doing? You know, there's 

Host - Eric: a problem. What a loser.

Yeah. What a loser. You a loser are. Oh, well, oh my God, I might as well drink over it, you know? But that's what we did, right? We went from, I forgot to water my plans today to being the biggest loser on the face of the earth thing. Yeah, zero to a hundred. We're just gonna drink ourselves. And 

Host - Taylor: that's where that grace comes in, is instead of running away from that line of thinking, you own it.

And then you, you put it literally in the spotlight and you say, look at this fucking stupid thought, . I think 

Guest - Robyn: that's, that's one of the things too, like, um, shortly, shortly after this, I started this sobriety. I, I took a, um, a writing course like four months in. And one of the great things I got out of that [00:26:00] was being able to, cuz initially I was like, what the hell am I gonna write about?

You know? And I started writing about it and then, you know, different prompts and stuff like that. And I started being able to look at some of. My memories, some of my stories, instead of just sitting there and, and just being so ashamed and still feeling all that guilt and oh my gosh, I started twisting it around and making it funny.

Like, look at, look at this shit that happened. Like I look back on a lot of my stories now and I don't mind sharing some of the more shameful, shameful things that I've done because now I can look at it for the comedy that it was. Can you believe that I, you know, hey, I, I know I gotta be awake and at work in three hours, but what the hell?

Let's go do this dumb ass thing. You know? I can't think of a great example, but yeah, that's part of where the, yeah, you, after a while, it just kind of evolves into learning to find the humor and the shit that used to be extremely shameful and maybe still could be if you're having a bad day and you really wanna go that go into that.

But it's so much better to just look at it and go, [00:27:00] well, that was a funny thing that happened and now I have that memory, and what did I learn from it? You know? I mean, yeah, sometimes that sometimes you find something interesting that you hadn't considered and it's like, oh, well that's why I am the way I am, because I did that a million times, 

Host - Taylor: you know?

Yeah. I was 

Host - Eric: just gonna add to that. Think about how, um, when we first come in here and all the things we're trying to hide, And as we get more and more time, we just start like laying that shit right out on the table. Like, all right, here it is, man, this, this is some shit I did. You know, let's, let's get a good chuckle out of it.

Yeah. But anyway, yeah. And when we first came in, we were so like, oh shit, I don't want people to know about that, you know? That's pretty bad . And I 

Guest - Robyn: remember feeling like that going to some of my first chats with re I would be in there like, oh God, you know, I don't wanna talk cuz I don't wanna, I don't want anyone to know who I really am or what I was really like and it's just feels so uncomfortable.

But yeah, now after a couple years, I don't care what kind of war story, which version of Warsh story [00:28:00] do you want to hear? 

Host - Taylor: You know, And we all have this terminal uniqueness, which says like, oh, my war story is gonna be so crazy. None of you guys can relate to this. None of you guys know what's going on with this.

But I feel, I feel like when we get to that space where we're no longer hiding things, it's the combining of two very distinctive partitioned personalities. Combining themselves back together where you're no longer Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you're morphing them together and becoming you again. However, yeah, you still got Mr.

Hyde on your back and he's gonna be there for the rest of your life. But you can finally start living, you know, normally again and being yourself. But first you have to combine those two people and own all of that stuff that you did, and figure out a healthy coping mechanism, which I choose to use. To then combine them back into one person.

So I can look back at those things and be like, which when you were [00:29:00] talking about the 3:00 AM and I have to be at work in three hours, I think I was 20 or 21 years old. For the sake of this memory, I'm gonna say I was 21 years old. Um, , I was out partying all night long and I actually knew I had to work that Saturday and I was working in janitorial for my company I was a part of at the time, and he required us to come in that Saturday morning and.

Scrape grout out of all of the bathrooms for the facility because they wanted to do some remodel work over the weekend, so they didn't have to do it when all the actual employees were there during the week. So I agreed to come in on Saturday, but what I didn't change was my Friday night antics, and that night specifically ended in one buddy in.

Where we had to bail him out. Uh, there was a lot of driving around probably in states [00:30:00] we should not have been in to then end up at 3:00 AM and me going, okay, well he's outta jail now. Do I go home and go to sleep for two hours before I have to drive back downtown to go into work? Or do I just go sit across the street in the park and wait for work to start?

Well, when I drove up to get into the. The gate guards were even like, dude, you reek to high heaven, . And luckily enough, they gave me some grace that day and let me go about my thing. Whether or not that's the right answer, hey, all I know is that was one of many stories that popped up in my brain when I got sober of just like gives you the shakes when you remember them, but you have to turn around and go, I gotta own that shit.

Just like I own all the great things about. And that's a part of me just as much as you know, that Star, my kindergarten teacher gave me that one time, you know, for not cussing that day. . 

Guest - Robyn: Yeah. I look at, I look at stuff like that [00:31:00] and you just actually reminded me of a, a very similar memory that I had. But, um, I try to look back at that stuff and go, holy shit, what a disaster.

What a shit show. But man, the gratitude I have that things didn't turn out any worse than they did, like, Recognizing that, you know? Yep. That's a fun, that's a funny memory. And then I will remember like, oh, well there were some fun things about that night, but damn the consequences. Thank goodness they weren't as bad as they could have been.

Like I didn't end up in jail. I didn't end up killing somebody because I probably drove drunk. You know? So I just look at that stuff in that si relief that I feel like, man, yep, I own that story, but thank goodness. It wasn't any worse than 

Host - Taylor: it could have been, and the only word I add on to the end of that statement is yet because the yet helps me.

Remind myself that this all is still waiting for me if I go back out all that 

Guest - Robyn: and more 

Host - Eric: Well, what I find interesting about all of that, um, Taylor, when you talked about [00:32:00] owning the good and the bad parts, the good stories and the bad stories, I thought of a reel that I just saw this morning. I actually put it up and it was about, there was this guy on this road and he kneels down to talk to everybody, and it's just this icy.

Snowy road. There's nobody on the road. It's just a road. And one of the things in in the reel that he said that I really liked was, he goes something about walking down the road. And he goes, now it may not be this road cuz everybody's road is different and unique, but it is a road. And for me that made a lot of sense in terms of recovery and in terms of owning all of.

You know, so when I own all of me, when I own the the good stuff and I own the bad stuff, and I own the Fuckups, and I own all the stuff that defines my road. And that defines how I've been going down my road and now I get to make a new choice to go into a bend of the road, which is recovery. And I make that choice, you know?

And the beauty I think of, of being able to laugh at ourselves and the beauty of being able to look at our [00:33:00] road through clear eyes is the realization that it is our road. And that we are, are making these choices and we can make some really good choices now and really enjoy this journey that we're on.

And I really try to look at the road as a journey and every part of it is, is part of that journey. So being able to laugh at it as well as cry at it, as well as being frustrated with it, as well as being happy with it. That's all part of the journey and I think we learn that in recovery. I love this conversation.

Kind of being able to laugh at, laugh at 

Guest - Robyn: ourselves, you know? And I, I just had a thought while you were saying that, as looking at that road as kind of a symbolically, it's like, now I can choose whether or not I wanna pave the road with crush and run, or if I want to use good asphalt and have some, have some, uh, you know, uh, some markings on the road.

You know, some should, you know, the white line for the shoulder, the yellow line. Do we have a passing lane or is it too, 

Host - Taylor: is it a double line? Just as long as we all know that it was your own asph. That's right. [00:34:00] It's 

Guest - Robyn: your own asshole, . I love it. 

Host - Eric: Good stuff. All right, well you know what? We could take this on the road just, um,

Totally, man. You know, and there's your dad 

Host - Taylor: joke of the day I hit my quota. 

Yes, I don't 

Host - Taylor: even have kids, but one thing I love my, one of my best friends, he says this to me every time I tell a dad joke, he goes, you know, every time you tell a dad joke, Taylor, there's a kid that's. Oh my God. . 

Host - Eric: Is that kind of like in in, it's a wonderful life when the bell rings, an angel gets his wings?

Is that kind of the same idea? Every time you 

Guest - Robyn: tell a dad joke, a baby cries? I mean, I don't know 

Host - Eric: that would fit better. . 

Host - Taylor: Oh man. All I know is that moving forward, I'm half tempted to like introduce segments via. Memes from Robin . 

Guest - Robyn: Go for it. I'll keep trying. Yeah. I don't know where I find them. They just kind of pop up along my journey [00:35:00] and I love to share them.

The darker the better. I 

Host - Taylor: like this one. If you say mental illness three times in the mirror. Someone with a live laugh, love t-shirt will appear behind you and ask if you've tried going outside

this fucking 

Host - Eric: gold. That's awesome. Oh my 

Guest - Robyn: gosh. But have you, have you tried going 

outside? 

Host - Taylor: Yes. Oh my gosh. I can't tell you how many times people have, you know, used that and I've used it too. And then I feel like the asshole cuz it's just like, oh, you know, you can fix this problem real easily if you just do this.

It's like, well at the same time, have you not considered that the person who's suffering from their own brain haven't considered that as an option already. And there's probably more to this going on mentally that is preventing them from doing something from your perspective. Looks very easy. 

Guest - Robyn: Yeah, that toxic positivity.

Host - Taylor: What'd you call me? Just 

toxic , what you call [00:36:00] 

Guest - Robyn: No, I just, yeah, no, the live laugh. Love. No, that's a good meme. I 

Host - Eric: remember that one. So since we're sticking on that topic of memes, have you found that your, the way that you are viewing your life right now today versus go back 900 plus days ago, do you feel like your choices in what you're looking for in terms of a me.

Has changed. 

Guest - Robyn: You know, I don't ever really look for the memes. They just find me. I think , 

Host - Eric: honestly, that's even better. So is your algorithm out there kind of telling us that the, the more of the positive memes coming? She honed 

Host - Taylor: it. She honed it the right way, man. If, if she's avoiding all the toxicity and just getting these types of memes, that is fantastic.

Guest - Robyn: Well, I think the fun part is now is like, you know, maybe I've been seeing those all along, but, but the further I get along the journey, it's kind of in the same vein of now we're able to laugh at our. Rather than be scared of it. Um, now I like sharing that stuff even on my public page. Like everybody at this point knows that I'm sober, knows that I'm [00:37:00] not ashamed of being sober.

I mean, like sober, not sorry. Over here. I don't care. But yeah, maybe my algorithm has been, uh, has been honed to have the dark humor in the, in the good parts and just 

Host - Eric: I think, I think we have an algorithm in real life. Yeah. I think Right. And, and I'm gonna make my argument in terms of a. So when you buy a car, you decide to get a car, a certain make and model.

Now you may go, I've never seen that car before. And all of a sudden you decide that you want it and you drive down the road. And what do you see? All of a sudden, three, four or five different cars that are that new make and model, which you never saw before, but now you're seeing it because it's on your mind.

So I think the algorithm works in real life too. 

Host - Taylor: I think you're right. 100%. Well, this has been an amazing episode. I can't believe the time flew by like it did and. Robin, you're nothing but a joy. Thank you for coming on the show and yeah, um, speaking with us about what we didn't even know we were going to talk about today.

I 

Guest - Robyn: know. I love it. I [00:38:00] think that was great and I, I really appreciate you guys having me on. I've been, I've been wanting to do another podcast for a while, so, um, it's just been nice talking to you. I, I came into this knowing I was just sitting down talking to two friends and that's perfect. Yay. 

Host - Eric: I love the organic citrus.

Us friends. Well, yeah, both of y'all. That's awesome. . Yay. Well, you are our friend too. And and we've definitely enjoyed this. I've enjoyed this cuz I, you know, it's interesting on the Facebook page and you know, we've talked like in chats and stuff like that and, but you really get to know people on another level when you're doing this kind of stuff and get to talk about different things and that was really the reason in why we wanted to do this format a little bit differently.

Really kind of just be able to talk and not make it about something, you know, because we're we're real people, right? You know? Yeah. We have this addiction thing going on for ourselves, but, but in reality, we're real people living a real life. And so to be able to talk about real life stuff, I think is important.

So thank you so much for letting us do that [00:39:00] with you. Thank you guys. Hey, thank you all for listening to the show. We really 

Host - Taylor: appreciate it. Thank you so much for joining us today, and we would not be here without, 

Host - Eric: New episodes air every Friday morning. This show is available wherever you podcast. 

Host - Taylor: You can join the conversation throughout the week by following us on Instagram and TikTok by searching at sober the letter n Shameless.

If you would like to be a guest on our show or would simply like to send us an email about this week's topic, then please email us@sobershamelessgmail.com. You can find all these links and more in the show notes. 

Interested 

Host - Taylor: in supporting the show, then buy us a cup of coffee. That's a drink we can enjoy without regret.

Just simply navigate to buy me a coffee.com/sober and shameless. That's S O B E R N S. H A N E L E S [00:40:00] s, and you can give us a cup if you'd like. We'll send you a sober and shameless sticker in the mail and post a photo on our Instagram 

Guest - Robyn: thanking you for 

your support. Woo, 

Host - Taylor: and finally shed 

Host - Eric: that shame. Don't forget to take care of yourself today.

We love you and you are worth it. 

Coming in regular, coming in hot.[00:41:00] [00:42:00]